Baby loss book offers hope for parents
When Surrey midwife, Sheryl Roy, lost two babies by miscarriage at 10 and 16 weeks in the early 2000s, her devastating experience left her feeling lost, empty, and completely alone.
Following her recovery, she became determined to help others going through baby loss, and, along with two of the bereaved mums she supported, she is now launching a baby loss support book, Holding Hope with Empty Arms.
Due to the amazing efforts of the three women, this collection of 14 moving stories from mums, dads, and grandparents who have experienced baby loss, is now available in maternity units nationwide with the hope of helping families across the country.
After developing her role as a Specialist Bereavement Midwife at Royal Surrey NHS Foundation Trust, Sheryl retrained as a bereavement counsellor. She was instrumental in the development of the book, which includes stories of baby loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, and termination for medical reasons.
She said: “The idea for the book came about during a baby loss support group meeting. One of the bereaved mums said that what she really needed at the time of her loss was information from other parents who had been in her position.
“She wanted to hear how they coped with their feelings, made funeral arrangements, how they dealt with anniversaries and significant dates. I realised that by gathering together our stories, we could help other parents during one of the most traumatic and difficult times in their lives.”
Sheryl reached out to two of the bereaved mums she had previously supported, Emily Mullins and Miriam Rendell. Together, the three women created the book, collecting stories and advice from friends and relatives in the baby loss community.
Funded by donations from their various fundraising efforts and from supporters such as Bounceback Books and the 4Louis charity and created with the support of Royal Surrey NHS Foundation Trust, Holding Hope with Empty Arms aims to offer help and comfort to those affected by baby loss.
The book not only includes honest, beautifully written personal experiences of loss but also practical guidance and advice on a variety of topics such as coping with grief, finding support, talking to young children about loss, communicating with partners, subsequent pregnancies, and more.
Emily Mullins' son, William, was stillborn at full term. She said: “Nothing prepares you for the enormity of losing a baby or what lies ahead. I knew no one who had lost a child through stillbirth. It took me a long time to find the right places to turn to for guidance. I came home from hospital to an empty nursery, suddenly having to plan a funeral and find the words to tell my daughter that her baby brother would not be coming home.
“If I’d had something like this book when I left hospital, it would have been such a comfort. To receive advice from people who have actually lived through baby loss is so valuable. I hope that the stories and advice can reassure parents that even in the most tragic circumstances, it is possible to survive, and one day to smile again.”
Miriam Rendell lost her son Charlie neonatally, at home when he was 34 hours old due to an extremely rare genetic condition.
In the book, her husband Luke shares the experience of coping with the death of Charlie and talks about how he has changed, become stronger and more compassionate through becoming a dad.
Following the death of Charlie, the couple had a second loss in pregnancy and said goodbye to their daughter Eleanor at 14 weeks.
Miriam said: “It does feel vulnerable to write these stories for our book but that is all the more reason to share. Baby loss can be such a taboo subject. Charlie and Eleanor are my little superpowers. They have given me a deep desire to do anything I can to raise awareness and help others who find themselves living with baby loss. My arms are still empty, but I am hopeful for the future.”
Sheryl said: ‘When the three of us sat drinking coffee a year ago, planning a small leaflet for our local hospital, we never imagined it would become a book that would reach hospitals nationwide.”
Dedicated to all those babies gone too soon and to the mothers who carried them, Holding Hope with Empty Arms is an essential and invaluable book for parents and families touched by baby loss.
Books can be ordered for free by NHS Trusts from the professional section of the 4Louis website.
The books are also being sold to the public for £5 from the 4Louis website shop. Each book purchased will buy one book for a bereaved family in hospital.